The Cronnex is a great story, and you are really a very talented writer. What attracts me most is the vivid atmosphere you created, I can almost feel what it is like to live in such a world. However, I have certain criticisms. First, I don't think you give a really clear picture about what Maerdas, Nithaial, and demon lords are capable of. I mean, their special abilities are mentioned at many places, but these don't really give a clear picture about what they can or cannot do. Therefore, some parts of the story lack a bit of suspense.

I'm also confused about the relationship between Alfrund and Jessan. I think it is half way between lovers and friends, or maybe friends with benefit? And finally, I'm not quite clear about what drives Jessan to undertake his responsibilities. Is that just due to a sense of duty, revulsion towards Maerdas, or feeling about his lovers? I mean, he acts like what we expect of a fantasy novel hero, but this doesn't really quite strike me as springing from true conviction or true feeling. —Yong

I wanted to write a fantasy adventure where explanations are only partial, even, sometimes, contradictory, the way they are in real life. I wanted to create the same fluid dynamics in the relationships. At first Jessan is madly in love with Alfrund and thinks he wants to spend his life with him. He's devastated when Alfrund tells him "there's someone else." However, as the story progresses, their relationship also changes, and by the end of the first volume, it's very different. This didn't happen intentionally, because I honestly don't know from one page to the next what is going to happen.

This, I think, makes for a more interesting story. In the beginning, it is Alfrund protecting Jessan; in the end, it is Jessan protecting Alfrund. And that means that their sex life changes, as well. Obviously, I don't believe gay sex roles are written in stone. (I laughed when you wrote "friends with benefit." I think that this is not so wrong. And, also, I don't think this is a cynical thing in young relationships, but a positive one, if both get something from it.)

As for Maerdas, you'll get to know him much better in the next volume. Jessan doesn't yet know what to make of him. Obviously humans are terrified of him (and rightly so). But since Jessan is more than human, he'll have to sort out what threat Maerdas poses for him independently of human advice. And he's trying to do that from what he learns and what he experiences. In JESSAN, Maerdas is very distant. That's because he's more intent on capturing Niccas—for reasons that will become apparent.

Something very much like this also explains his confusion (and lack of enthusiasm) for his responsibilities as a Nithaial. At sixteen, Jessan is naturally going to feel more strongly about personal connections than larger abstract notions like duty. Even so, despite his attachment to Alfrund and Faryn, what has had the profoundest effect on him is the knowledge that he has a twin. (I should note here, perhaps, that I'm using that word not in its biological sense, but in the platonic sense that half of him resides in another person). This fact has already begun to move him out of his self-centeredness and onto the path to his truth.

Another important aspect of the story as regards Jessan's awareness of his "duties" is that there have been no Nithaial for hundreds of years and Maerdas has done his best to destroy any information about them. Because of this, no one can really advise him of what is expected of the Nithaial: that's something else he has to learn for himself. (As a person, I've always hated being taught. I like to find out things for myself. This is my "gift" to Jessan, not for his sake, but because I wouldn't enjoy writing the story any other way.) Still, though he doesn't realize it, he is learning. He possesses "true feeling" that helps him know good from bad, right from wrong, and this helps him draw lessons from experience.

Finally, let me say that it isn't by accident that he has a twin. He can't really know himself until he finds Niccas, because now he has realized only half of himself. Remember what he experienced when he entered the force at Wethrelad? It was like discovering a part of himself that he sensed was there but hadn't been able to connect with before. With Niccas, that will be even more so.... But can the two of them learn to meld their powers to shape the force? (Hint: it won't be easy...if they manage it at all.)

What does Jessan look like? There's no physical description of him. Maybe that's even a good thing, as it leaves the reader free to imagine him however he wants. But I'm still curious about how you imagine him. It’s my impression that he’s thin and short for his age (an underdog in a poor society), but wiry from the rowing and the pulling at nets; shoulder long hair (like probably every male in his era), perhaps dark blonde or light brown; an effeminate face or voice (both Onna and the bookstore boy could tell at once for which team he plays). — Elias

That's a provocative question. You know, when I write the story I am Jessan. I look out of his eyes, and in his world mirrors are hard to come by. He has blond hair (his opposite twin, Niccas, is the one with dark hair), he is, as you say, wiry and slight (not fit for the blacksmith trade), with shoulder length hair, a seductive, needing-to-be-loved personality, which isn't exactly effeminate but not all that masculine either. I think of him as being more boyishly androgynous. As to Onna, she guessed about him because of what wasn't present rather than what was. She's an attractive girl and she could tell he felt no attraction to her -- which miffed her,. That's why she talks about him as being being a mere boy. But, yes, Telo definitely caught on -- but that's partly because because Jessan is, without being really aware of it, quite the flirt.

One comment -- and it's something I struggle with in my own writing, because I have also been influenced by Kirith Kirin (lovely book) and Luck In The Shadows -- is just how explicit to make the sex.  What you have written is to my taste, but if you reread Lynn Flewelling you will see that her m2m sex is much less explicit.  It appears to be OK to have explicit m2f sex ("he entered her" for example) but not m2m ("He speared Jason wth his sex" is a no-no)  As I insist on equal treatment of m2m and m2f sex, I am equally direct or indirect about both. — Nigel

Your comments about Flewelling and m2m sex are something I've been thinking about, too. As you get into The Cronnex, you'll see that the sex gets more explicit, as Jessan begins to explore his sexuality. This is one reason I'm publishing the story the way I am (so that I feel totally free to let the writing go where it wants to. Sex is only one example of this). My thoughts about Flewelling is that she is actually uncomfortable with the physical reality of m2m sex. She never gives a clue as to what actually goes on between Seregil and Alec, who does what to what. I found that very disappointing, because it is a revelatory aspect of character and the nature of the relationship. Since m2m sex doesn't result in babies, it really is ALL about those things.) Once Seregil and Alec become lovers in Stalking Darkness, I felt their relationship turn to stone, which is maybe why Flewelling starts crowding so much other stuff onto her canvas.

Your story did, in my mind at least, have an element of a Young Adult adventure story. Of course some of the language (especially the repetition of the use of the word 'fucking' in chapter 1 - and I suppose the sex) might make it inappropriate for this age group. — Michael

Actually, The Cronnex is a Young Adult adventure story, and in an ideal world it could be offered up as such. I don't know about you, but when I was a teenager I had NO sex, NO cuddling, NO kisses, NO nothing. So in The Cronnex I've given myself (a few years later, alas) all those things, in a world where no one thinks its strange or has a lot of inhibitions about joining in. That aspect of the story is such balm to my inner teen, I can't begin to tell you. And I truly hope it has the same effect on all who read it. (Providing they're an appropriate age to read it, of course.)